Hey everyone! If you're looking for something to do Saturday night, come see me perform in Booze Your Own Adventure. It all goes down Saturday night at 11pm. DM me for coupons. #alcoholistheanswer Here's the link for tix: laughoutloudtheater.com/chicago/show/8…

Catch the show that is hotter than the summer, and enjoyed in the coolest of conditioned air. Saturday, July 13th at 11pm. For an added bonus, you'll see me perform! laughoutloudtheater.com/chicago/show/8…

A fly has landed on the steaming pile known as Mike Pence.

In the end, Pence will only say that black flies matter.

I am so happy to see that Mike Pence didn’t let that fly dominate his life. He didn’t live in fear. Maybe he’s immune? I don’t know.

Girls are dumb, he didn’t change, he’s texting u with the same thumb that was in my ass last night

I've watched the Obi-Wan Kenobi trailer and analyzed it thoroughly. I'd bet that Disney and Lucasfilm are going for the trifecta and de-aging @HamillHimself again. Only this time to play the child version of Luke. #deepfake #starwars #KenobiSeries #SpoilerAlert

I might be late to the game with this but I didn't watch it. What did Will Smith leave on Chris Rock 's face at the Oscars? Fresh Prints #AcademyAwards2022

70% of Americans believe Roe v. Wade should remain the law of the land. Retweet if you're one of them.

‘This Is Spinal Tap’ Sequel in the Works With Rob Reiner, Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, Harry Shearer variety.com/2022/film/news…

Special thanks to Bryan Cranston, coming to Chicago and its 'burbs to sign a bottle of #DosHombres for me on my birthday! May you achieve all you strive for!

🚨 PSA:

How is this woman not on Penn & Teller:Fool Us?!?! Penn Jillette Teller #magic

Spent a little time in the pool today 🖤

Retweet to help me hit 109,034 followers by kickoff next Sunday night. Currently at 90,850 followers. Thank you! 🐻⬇️

Watching old footage of the #Bears & the #NFL team from Wisconsin. This one from 77’ is a classic. Walter Payton balled out. He carried the rock 23 times for 205 yard and 2 TD’s. 🐻 won 26-0. #CHIvsGB #SNF

Explain to me how a state which ranks 47th in teacher pay has $12 Million to spend on some disgusting political stunt? Explain it to me like I’m 5.

Right Side Broadcasting host on migrants: "These people are so evil. They are not your run of the mill criminal. They are people that are satantic. They are involved in human sacrifice. They are raping men, women, and children -- especially underaged children."

c.org/DByHYjS9NP

Still one of the coolest videos ever. Cubs fans outside of Wrigley Field react to the Cubs winning the World Series in 2016