No coffee, no workee

Sluts and stale situations got in my way tonight #eyeontheprize

NOT handing out candy to the miscreant youth of SOBO this evening; ya'll need a dream, not candy

Ladies, if he orders a Michelob Ultra on your first date, go to the bathroom and walk out the front door. #weak

My phone remembers guys numbers after I delete them. #stupidsmartphone

We can tell by your hair that you're in a relationship. #getittogether

He has a hot face... But he looks pregnant as shit #dealbreaker #gotomerritt

Why is it when dudes say they don't want gfs, it is looked at as normal, but when we say we don't want bfs, we're looked at as weird?

Damn double standards strike again.

Favorite Christmas song of #theLadiesoftheClamJam: "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch." It's so mean. #welikeit

Just overheard men talking about wanting to watch Love Actually #thetableshaveturned

If you are not at least a little bit cynical, you lose. #gamecalledlove #askladygaga

Attention whores. #slowyourroll

"You're insecure. Don't know what for." Bitch, wake up. You're prey for the vultures! #dumbbroads

Another name for 'boobs': "Front Court" Men, care to explain? #colorusconfused

You dress to the designer-9s and you've got a rock the size of Texas on your ring finger, but you drive a busted 08 Jeep. #imageiseverything

Country songs make one night stands sound more classy and less trashy, and one hell of a good 'ole time. #gonecountry

How many children to you think will be conceived tomorrow night if the #Ravens win the #Superbowl?? #TouchdownnnnnnnnBaltimore

Temptations... #riskybusiness

It might be casual Friday, but pink spandex/hot pants with high heels is bordering on unacceptable... #theFlashyClam