Today the Burches single-handedly turned a Meet Mickey and Friends wait time from 5 minutes to like 35 because Mickey wanted to keep Brooke

Okay…Pipeline slaps

I just unironically said out loud “Well if we did that, then we’d really be cooking with gas.” So everybody wish me a happy 90th birthday

A radio star hates to see a video coming

“You’ve heard of Elf on a Shelf, but have you heard of….chips in a bowl???” -Katie 🖤, laughing so hard she almost throws up

It’s the way I just got home with my child and this girl IMMEDIATELY demands to watch Cinderella with Brandy and Whitney Houston. We’re raising a person of culture.

Me leaving work and seeing how dark it already is at 5pm

Brooke just came out of her room to say “you guys are being too loud” 😂

I have practically not seen my wife in about four days and I am withering away because of it

This is a lot going on for a pasta sauce float

Today I went to Festival of the Holidays and stood in line behind a woman who proceeded to order 3 Dozen Spaceship Earth cookies at one of the booths. And then pulled out like four giant tupperware containers to put them in. The boldness of the human race is frightening.

THEY OPENED A BOJANGLES DOWN THE STREET FROM ME NATURE IS HEALING

We have been playing Whamageddon wrong all along. Last Christmas is not the song we should be trying to avoid hearing all season. Candy Cane Lane by Sia is. Bruv.

“Do you wanna go to the castle?” - Katie Burch asking our child if she wants to eat at fucking White Castle 😂

That potato chip commercial really went for it

That crypto commercial got the whole room singing along and laughing our asses off, 10/10. However. “Am I so secure?” Bruh, that ain’t the lyric

Leaving work at 3:00 instead of 4:00 or later be like

Putting it in cash app*

Bringing this one back for relevance, I left work tonight at 6:30pm in sunlight and rediscovered the will to live

My three year old just looked at me from her half eaten bowl of Mac and cheese and said “Hi Chris” and my neck has never snapped so hard