If twitter is something you have to check every single day to know what’s going on then I'd rather have no idea what's going on

What if I told you this was my most successful relationship yet

Ah my son. The pride of our family

Update: not true. I still complain about my girlfriend to her

Real talk I have a tendency to isolate when I go through dark periods and I just want to acknowledge that Vi has always been able to maintain the balance in our relationship when I basically go AWOL. It's a small thing, but I do find it pretty extraordinary.

As much as this pandemic has created hardship, it has also created more opportunity for me to pursue my favorite hobby: cremating stuff.

The answer to both questions are still no

🥺wym your life doesn't revolve around me🥺

if you finger my butthole and my urethra at the same time it takes a screenshot

goodnight

The only thing I know about astrology is that your moon sign = who you are at night

Do you think Prince Phillip will get a letter from the Queen when he turns 100 or just pipe?

lizzie borden is a hot piece of 19th century ass

So when are you gonna stop calling me that

A teenager just told me that if I put sugar in my gas tank it’ll prevent my gas from freezing so I’m about to go do that

Define your relationship in one photo:

my schedule: - thermodynamics - fracture mechanics - environmental development my brain: - you should've come to shiratorizawa - nice kill tanaka - oya? oya oya? oya oya oya?

I'm just saying you could piss in your dishwasher before running it and your dishes would still come out clean

Violet's toxic trait is how badly she wants to domesticate wild animals

Should I turn 24?