I’d treat this shit like whiplash. don’t even THINK about opening a twist off bud light before you have 500+ hours of instruction and my own written approval

crushing smirnoff ices and arguing with holocaust deniers on tiktok tonight. riveting monday/early tuesday if i do say so myself

merry half christmas to all you sons of witches and then some :’) 🤠✊🏿🗿🌈🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

i genuinely think the newest ep of always sunny (frank goes into a coma) is top 5 best eps of a tv show ever made. like up there alongside ozymandias and battle of the bastards

i guess I’m doing an unreal amount of math every day apparently

bout that time boys. drunk while commenting on every tiktok i watch. the modern american dream 🇸🇬

lg car show would be so sick if everyone in attendance wasn’t simultaneously the brokest yeehaw on the planet

the current iphone photo album app was for sure designed by either a dyslexic schizophrenic or an alien who perceives time different than humans

I’ve always been overtly fiscally responsible

gotta do my internet homework via the internet but my school’s internet is down so the real internet is the internet we made along the way :’)

this is exactly how every high school party i attended with Matt f went

imagine trying your best to leave a lasting legacy but you end up sector 47, row 9, structural support skull in the paris catacombs

what could possibly sound that good that you need to look like this

HORSEPOWER, HORSEPOWER ALL THIS POLO ON ME I GOT HORSEPOWER 🗿

as a 29 y/o bartender back in school at my local college, i very high key hope to run into my ~45 y/o professors at the bars so i can strategically feed them rumpleminze then rumpleception them into giving me A ∞’s in everything forever

my brand new adorable bunny whom’st i love very much chewed through my modem power cord so i think I’m gonna, I don’t know, throw him in the dishwasher? what the hell man i thought we were friends

I’ve always heard george rr martin’s writings are hard reads but i now know for a fact the people who said that simply don’t know english at all. they have similar unique word counts as dmx

fun fact: my uncle works at apple so i can confirm that the person who designed the new apple music user interface is in fact helen keller