I’m going to give away $7,500 to 1 random person who retweets this tweet AND follows Twitter Philanthropist @Pulte and me!!! (If you don’t follow us, we can’t dm you the money) Will show proof!

With just two words I fear I might have already blown my chances with Cody 🤦🏼‍♂️

*cardi b voice* and I’m quick, cut a - racist - off so don’t get comfortable

Racists have had sex with their cousin more times than the number of teeth they have left. Now does that mean that they have a lot of incest or no teeth? The answer is yes.

idk what white man needs to hear this but i promise you don’t actually have to play “devil’s advocate”

I’m such a hopeless romantic, it’s almost SAD.

I wake up every morning and choose violence

I always thought I’d want someone to grow old and fat with. But I got bored and did the fat part myself so they’re gonna’ have to settle for just getting old.

I love intelligent women and idiotic men.

Now presenting… some dogs atop horses.

Asking what time I went to bed tonight is a HIPPA violation ✨🧚🏼‍♂️

*my best friend realizing how slowly she understood something* “Oh damn. Swiper would’ve got my silly ass”.

Dear corporate marketing; It sure didn’t take 7-10 business days for you to start emailing me so why does it take that long for you to stop???

Me: Plase date me, anyone. Flirt with me any way you want. Also me: Oh, no. Not you. Ew, gross. Not like that.