MLB: Why don’t people under 70 like our sport?? ALSO MLB: Let’s wait five days to have Game 1 of the World Series on one of the biggest party nights of the year.

“Pizza” AGAIN???

How it feels watching the World Srries:

There are many fun reasons to hate the Yankees but turning an all time World Series matchup into an all time pants-shitting is much less fun.

This is the fifth straight season in which a Will Smith wins a World Series: 2024: C Will Smith (LAD) 2023: LHP Will Smith (TEX) 2022: LHP Will Smith (HOU) 2021: LHP Will Smith (ATL) 2020: C Will Smith (LAD) i love baseball

A 37-year old Rickey Henderson had 112 hits and scored 110 runs for the 1996 Padres and I swear it's true.

‘Batman Begins’ (2005) had an official TV spot that featured Nickelback

ME: How could this year possibly get any worse? RICKEY HENDERSON: Rickey gonna die now

BOSTON COP SEEING ME CRACK A WEED SELTZER ON THE STREET: Excuse me sir! ME: You’re excused! And off I went. Right to jail!

I wrote Weezer parody song for my friend Chris Gethard

Bummed they didn’t call it the “Swiitch”. Imagine suit-wearing Consumer Report guys having to pronounce it “Sweeetch” while discussing Nintendo’s profit margins.

At the base of the Bob Uecker statue outside American Family Field right now: A single, unopened can of Miller Lite. “I must be in the front row.”

Remember this time last year when “The Big Thing Everyone Was Talking About” was Katt Williams on Shannon Sharpe’s podcast?

Come on Access Hollywood how did you not title this “Shaboozey Excloozey”

After two decades rolling the dice w/ smash & grab workshop schemes during each & every prime year of his one & only adult life, The Improv Guru made a business decision in hopes of salvaging the remainder of his days on Earth. Enroll in a clowning class.

Luka to the Lakers? What’s next?? Laka to the Lukers?! I’m not doing well lots of bad stuff in my personal life

Same "kids laughing" stock audio played three times in 20 seconds. Disney reaching completely unprecedented levels of not giving a shit.

Sir you are in my world now & I'd advise you to tread lightly esp because you're an account booster and I beat Battletoads

PLEASE tell me he played “Not Like Us”