i hope this email kills us both instantly

I'd shove my dick in a bear trap if it had winged eyeliner

Dudes with ugly gfs love giving advice like stfu that shit doesn’t work on bad bitches

how about 5.5 inches and normal. How about employed at an unimpressive job. how about mediocre finances and a complicated relationship with family.

MY FIRST PURPLE SOPHIE LETS FUCKING GOOOOO WHAT A PULL

when the pussy has you doing reports

plan A is to lock in, plan B is to blow my shit smoove off

Mad at your favorite software for requiring you to upload a photo of your ID?? Get revenge by uploading a photo of your credit card instead Welcome to PCI DSS, bitch

Scaring the hoes by being too genuine

Welcome back, Aziz. We’ve been waiting for you. There’s nothing wrong with being bad at fingering or whatever it was you got in trouble for.

“Religion is a mental parasite.” “01001001.” “Claudia, my darling... your logic is intoxicating.”

You buy a German anvil. It contains 83 moving parts and requires winding twice a day. It's forged from excellent steel, holds tolerances across all three striking faces to within three microns, includes a beautifully indexed horn-adjustment mechanism nobody asked for, and

I’m not dying from some fucking hentai virus

ShinyHunters compromised Canvas (to a currently unknown extent) which resulted in a "this system has been compromised" to over 9,000 universities. As ridiculous as that sounds, I'm not memeing. It has been speculated it is actually over 9,000 universities. ShinyHunters is

4/10 strippers have had a UFO experience of some kind. The research is ongoing.

Gas: $6 a gallon Food: $100 for eggs and milk The US Government: