The Disneyland popcorn recipe/seasoning blend doesn't feel right without a twenty-minute wait, someone fighting over a popcorn bucket, and a toddler immediately dropping it all over the ground.

Today I made the mistake of going into a retail store. Before I took ten steps I was asked if I had the store credit card, then if I wanted to sign up for a raffle, THEN held hostage to be told about their loyalty program. It's not just prices keeping people at home.

I'm afraid if I have gamer rage at 40 I'm just going to throw my back out and that's far worse than breaking a controller.

The real "War on Christmas" is all the people who use the unholy cool white LED Christmas lights.

Logging into WoW after a decade gives me a pretty good idea of what being 80 in a nursing home will be like. I don't know where anything is, I have no idea what I'm doing, everyone's yelling at me, and I can't find any of my things.

To all you new gays who boldly choose to come out during Thanksgiving dinner to keep it spicy, welcome to the club.

HBO has me so programmed with the Game of Thrones theme starting after the static intro that I'm sitting here starting another episode of Gilded Age waiting for the do-do do-do-do-do.

I love that Hallmark has had an epiphany this year that Europe celebrates the Christmas season, so they're taking their white Christian nationalist housewife vibe and putting it in exotic locations like white English-speaking Europe.

Kojima reminds me of Banksy, where the product is 90% hype, and when it finally comes together its a mishmash of stuff that only makes sense because if you say you don't get it you are culturally shamed.

When you go to a pitch meeting and the people who are begging for your business come out with "We're a Gen Z agency, we're here because you're doing something wrong." I cannot express how bad I want a Mr. Burns "send in the hounds" button.

I set the same boundaries for brands and financial institutions as I do for extended family. If you are trying to get ahold of me, it better be an emergency.

Brands really are sending out spam emails with "Our Favorite Moments of 2023." You're a brand, you don't have "moments." What are your brand moments? Price gouging? Layoffs? Shrinkflation? Artificial scarcity? Moving work overseas? Yeah guys, great moments.

My 2024 resolution is to keep the ICQ "UHOH" sound as my phone notification noise and never put my phone on silent in public.

I'm going to start having AI write self-congratulatory posts for my LinkedIn when I do things like take out the trash, fold the laundry, or mow the yard. Remember guys, reflect on these hard tasks and let them make you stronger as a leader! 🤡💀

Don't worry guys, I have plenty of cursed monkey paws ready for Fanfest.

I want to talk about my opinions on Dawntrail, but I'm afraid the Cult of Yoshi P will hunt me down. Great community, by the way.

Does every furniture manufacturer and designer have a "Hit in case of January" button that is just shitty beige tones labeled as "coastal?"

Hey, it got above zero today, so that's something I guess.