Never chase anything but dreams and tequila #WednesdayWisdom

Do you ever have one of those days where you look in the mirror and you're like: literally who is that and when did she get so disgusting?

Can you explain to me people with over 10k followers whose accounts are private? Like you know how the internet works right? That shit doesn't stay private.

Current status: going outside every 10 minutes to see if my Sephora package got here yet. #Ijustwanttobepretty

This IHOb thing reminds me why I left Twitter: I literally cannot pretend to give a fuck about this, and plus now I'm hungry

I could quit smoking but then I would have to start pretending I care about my health

#NationalBourbonDay Sounds fake, but okay.

HAHAHA why do 4 PM meetings even exist?

Honestly, Meghan and Harry both have always had big dick energy, so I don't know why people are SURPRISED.

Well... NOW I do.

"Why do I feel like shit?" Well, it couldn't possibly be all raw cookie dough you ate for lunch, now could it?

How the hell am I supposed to have energy to go buy diet coke when I don't have any fucking diet coke?

It’s literally gotten to the point where “leaving the house to get a smoothie” is an accomplishment for me.

"There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep and still be counted as warriors." Adrienne Rich

"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve (or save) the world and a desire to enjoy (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." E.B. White

Do anti-depressants actually cause weight gain... or do you just kind of have to hate yourself to stay skinny?

“Kiss me and you will see how important I am” -Sylvia Plath

So we all agree: 2020 is officially the year we stop caring what the back of our hair looks like, right?

Tom Brady can win as many Super Bowls as he wants but he still will never be as successful as his wife and that brings me joy

"I am many things; stupid is not one of them." #Scandal