Does your kid get up 10 times to go to the bathroom at night too?

My toddler just called her tears “eye juice” 😭

My husband thinks it’s the funniest thing to add weird stuff to my Alexa shopping list. Latest request: butthole sprinkles. Weirdo, 🤣

Them: Gen X Us: MiLlEnIaLs Them: Gen Z 🤔

I’m so bleh and ready for spring things.

If I took lifting weights as seriously as I do eating Doritos I'd be making some real progress.

Bargain of the day: “I’ll give you some marshmallows if you get your underpants on.” #momlife

8: “mom, 27 is a young mom but you look like waaaaaaay older.” Uhhh is that supposed to be a compliment? 😭

My husband and I learned today that many women are “synced up” 🩸 with the full moon 🌕. His first thought: “that must be where werewolves come from” Huh? 🤔🤣

My body- “I really need water rn” My brain- “but a coke sounds good with that” *grabs a coke*

2: “mommy your armpits smell like poop” 😊😏😂 😳: “no honey they smell like roses”🌹 2 (every time she smells my pits): mommy your armpits smell like roses 😅

Rearranging furniture is my love language.

Justin Timberlake: I got this feeling inside my bones Me: Yeah that’s arthritis

Once upon a time a woman had kids and 45753248 odd socks the end

When the husband shows me “funny parents” videos and tweets on iFunny that I’ve already seen 10 times on Instagram.

Apparently my 3rd grader has been pronouncing and spelling “environment” like “enviralmint”… I mean he’s not that far off 🤣

“So if I can’t be close to you, I’ll settle for the ghost of you” -Jeffrey Dahmer #beiberfever #wtfbro 👻 #spookyseason

Send your kids to a K-8 school so they can ask you why the 8th graders look older than you in their makeup.

Mom life be like “is another day of dry shampoo acceptable?” on day 8 *sniffs hair* 🤷🏻‍♀️

We used to be mom and dad, now we’re just “bruh”.