Edible got me smiling on the bus to promote social cohesion

Common Cunt: a new term in lieu of the Basic Bitch

going to the gym to take a shit, do one set, then leave <333

my worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me

Me at the bar when my friends r talking to someone I don’t know

I can’t wait until I’m perfect and I can finally start living my life

Play that fucking music white boy

i love having plans to go to a show and i love having been to a show. being at a show is a small price to pay for that

this will sound stupid but my problem is i’m a genuinely very weird and uncool person but whenever i hang out with self-described nerds im like oh i don’t have anything in common with these people either

absolutely nothing exemplifies a peak low-intelligence activity to me than joining in with a concert crowd to clap along with the beat

Squidward is misunderstood and has a rich interior life, and although he has been beaten down by the indignities of service work, he still finds time to pursue his hobbies. However, that doesn’t make him a good person. He is misanthropic and cruel, and extremely self absorbed.

eating a yummy dessert didn’t “alter your brain chemistry” … stop saying this!!!!! an insult to chemists everywhere!

what is the absolute optimal time for a work meeting (and why is it 10:30am)?

shower is one of the few places in modern society where you are mostly inaccessible to other people

white ppl be like “sorry I’m actually spending Valentine’s Day with my parents this year bc the dog almost died last month”

Grimes is literally like if FKA Twigs were white sorry to say

I love how when you pay for dinner on your credit card but have someone Venmo you $$ that you deposit to your checking acct, you basically make a profit 🤩

I can tell that it’s causing discomfort when I refuse to look at my phone idly in public spaces. But I’m trying to bring back just looking around

I know being in a class with Chappell was probably rough because wasn’t shit funny to her