“Dress for the job you want” only encourages me to wear hoodies because I want a job that allows me to wear hoodies.

Mosquitoes wake up every morning and choose violence

Had a leftover black coffee on my desk for 2 days and I just took a sip.

I need my mom friends to stop getting pregnant so they can shoot whiskey with me on weeknights.

Green bean casserole is the Chandler Bing of Thanksgiving dinner. You don’t expect it to be your favorite, but there it is every time winning all of our hearts.

As an extrovert, I still don’t want to talk to my Uber driver

Is Christmas on a Saturday robbing us all the chance to blow off the work week? I think yes.

Having a 7 month old in Mexico looks a lot like translating “Puss in Boots” at 3am on Discovery Kids. “Las adventures del gato con botas.”

I’m not crying 😭⚡️ #HarryPotter20thAnniversary #HarryPotter

The Official Bluey TV theme song is fire

When no one will choose a movie, always go with The Wedding Singer.

Sam Elliott. Past, present, forever. Not up for debate. #fact

Tip: rosé not roses

If you say “eXpresso” I’ll forgive but I won’t forget.

Classic Stephen Whiting response when I tell him our child fell at daycare.

Dressing a toddler is a high intensity workout

Is it Vegas yet? @awlyssa

Wally’s really is the Great American roadtrip

Feels like a good Monday to go to Vegas ✈️ @awlyssa Stephen Whiting

I didn’t know Cody LaGrow was touring in my hometown!