teeves (@teeves) 's Twitter Profile
teeves

@teeves

ID: 14429450

calendar_today18-04-2008 03:51:22

5,5K Tweet

397 Followers

127 Following

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Sometimes when I take the dog to the groomer and they ask what I want, I channel my inner Prince Akeem and reply back, “Just make it nice and neat.”

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Dear Marketers, For the love of Dog, don’t use doorbell sounds in your halloween candy commercials. Sincerely, Penny’s Human

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Does anyone else use Google Maps to look up local business info (hours, phone, address, website) with no intention of navigating to the business? It is basically my Yelp replacement.

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Me: *placing a to-go order via phone and was disconnected during the phone numberconfirmation portion.* Me: *called back twice to no answer* Restaurant guy: *redials me somehow* Me: “Hello?” Him: “Sorry about that. What’s your phone number again?” Me: 😑

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Quarantine Day 26 (I've been WFH for a while) -- There is no greater joy than entering and successfully auth'ing with an RSA token passcode as the timer winds down to 0. ⏲💣

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Was eating chocolate covered raisins and glanced at my vitamins. A few seconds later… p sure I swallowed a few raisins whole.

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If I could have any super power it would be accurately assessing the voluming of my leftovers for an appropriately sized tupperware container.

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Why didn’t they have the press conference in *front* of Four Seasons Total Landscaping? It looks nice and... totally landscaped.

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Secretary of State Anthony Blinken is my favorite joke this year. A. Blinken. Did you say “Abe Lincoln?”No, I said “A. Blinken.”