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Gary Wake invited you to like, fuck off

Based on a true story — watching King Gary

Watched BBC1s version of Dracula. Started well. Ended shit. How good a programme or film is, is based on how many times you would watch it again. Total zero in this case. The definitive Dracula is Jonathon Rhys Myers version. Excellent.

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The first time I saw this on telly was the last time I actually fell of my settee laughing 🤣 facebook.com/story.php?stor…

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Two lasses have just asked me if I’m off Love Island. “Cos you sound just like the commentator...” — at Bannatyne Health Club Coulby Newham facebook.com/570379716/post…

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Tyson Fury has just asked me out on a date. I thought he’s punching there like.

Avoid The Parkway eastbound. Major accident near greystoke roundabout 🚗

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When a thought crosses your mind, where does it go? Does it climb out of your ear disguised as ear wax? Just a thought. That crossed my mind. And climbed out of my ear.