My Dad is keeping up appearances by having cheese pie and chips in the kind of weather where you could fry an egg on your left bollock

Been over to change an elderly relative’s bedding for her and she’s insisting on sleeping with her winter quilt. Yes love, you wrap up warm for goodness sake. I’ll make you a big soup whilst I’m here an’ all

My instagram now keeps suggesting F1 content. I swear down if Snow Patrol and Feeder start populating my feed…

They say the girls like the bad boys, well let me tell you something. My petunias and pansies will be getting watered tonight in full breach of the hosepipe ban. Come at me.

I’ll tell you what will cool you down and refresh you on a day like today: Season 1 and 2 of Cybill

Making overtime bearable

For those who were at Oasis at Heaton Park: I really hope they played ‘Female Of The Species’ because that really is an absolute BANGER

Dressed like a tragic fuck boi and ready for beers on the canal. I’m all for it tbh

Terrible afternoon. Glad I’m nit stuck with hairy-back Terry Venables though

Kind of arseholed

Well, home and only Moderately arseholed

Going to award myself an MBE to usurp the dickheads who put ‘BSC Hons’ in their work email signature.

Looks like GTA: Craiglang

Your Dad flicks through his world cup 1998 sticker book with Dario G: Carnival de Paris on YouTube with a tear in his eye.

Did he work for the BBC on a cooking programme

Just got hold of a crate of prime for less than £650. Pm if u interested

And honestly, sometimes I think put too much effort in at work

Out with Torode and the Chode is it?