🎶 She wore an Itsy bitsy teeny weeny…

BREAKING NEWS: Police forget the word trousers.

... if you know what I mean.

A literal glow up for my Axolotl! Pre orders for the new lilac/glow in the dark version open now. doodlesbyben.com/shop/axolotl-g…

It's good to have hobbies.

Things are tough for small businesses at the moment and it’s really tough working out how to reach new customers. I would really appreciate it if you had a look at my gift shop (all original designs!) and gave this a like or RT. Thank you so much, pals. higglebees.etsy.com

It’s out today! ‘Rewild’, by Ben Martynoga, illustrated by me. For ages 12+, but honestly I think this is a great book for all. We explain how we can help nature to help the planet, the importance of whale poo, beavers and how to encourage biodiversity in your own garden.

We are Premier League.

My Etsy shop's now open with my jewellery collection: intricate casts of real flowers & nature finds & tiny wearable sculptures of British birds handmade by me in recycled silver. LIMITED spaces in my order book-once it's full I'll close my shop again: etsy.com/uk/shop/silver…

Just voted. Turnout low and polling station staffed entirely by bewildered primary school children. Make of that what you will.

NOT MUCH, 'SUP WITH YOU?

They used to have a transfer window in American football too, but they closed it because of the draft.

September.

I always find Jingle Bells quite upsetting because it reminds me of the time my Uncle Billy tragically lost his willy on the motorway.

🎶 Seven swans a-swimming, Six geese a-laying... 🎶

HITMAN: Who's the target? ME: [slides photo across table] HITMAN: You..want me to kill Shrek? ME: Not Shrek [taps photo] his talkative horse

🎶OO WAT FAAN IT OS TO RARD IN A ONE HOSE ORPHAN SLARGH🎶