Making a gravity bong out of a turkey tonight #gracias

Obamacare? More like yo momma care if I blow her back out #stubody

Gonna put a bomb in a fire hydrant

Saw the craziest video of drunk tony at Bass Pro Shop today

Everyone from Laurence Kansas is a liberal douchebag!

Poop Stories 2024 💩🇺🇸

Craving a 25 foot, 500mg edible right about now. Just wanna get a little high

Can’t believe people had 9-5s before TikTok. Imagine being in the office without being able to see Sydney Sweeneys bazookas

Do you know what suitcasing is? Probably not, because I invented it to ruin my friends’ Tuesday nights. You pack a suitcase full of 60 beers and walk into your friend’s house. The next 4 hours are spent crushing ice cold coors lights, effectively ruining any plans they had.

What’s next? I need a license to make toast in my TOASTER. Bring me the doritos locos taco #tbellpartner #boxout

I’m allergic to greatness , yeah I’m a fucking bum. If you eat some Cheetos imma suck on your thumb. #stubody

Kansas and I are complete opposites. I have never lost! Buttchugging all night

Lick my nuts Dallas y’all suck balls! Summer beer my asscheeks

Lather me in spf 1000 and launch me in the Sun cause I’m over the moon my bitch ass roommate is moving out of my city. I hate that guys guts and would rather live in a nursing home drinking diarrhea than spend another month with that idiot #prez #stubody

Spectrum internet goes out during shark week? Fucking SHARK WEEK. The one week a year I get to look forward to. This is unacceptable Ask Spectrum Spectrum it’s been 6 and a half hours too long. I have had enough

Good thing they’re not eating the dogs in Fort Worth. #dawg #idoblowsometimes

I’ll eat the passenger seat from my buddies Ford Focus if the frogs lose to smu

Two white claws in and I’m feeling loopy!

Bowl express is shaking in its boots this weekend

It’s a cocktail day