i've tasted being employed & i've tasted being unemployed. i recommend not being born.

when she tell me im handsome without a haircut

Greece to Mussolini’s Italy when he tried to body them

We are about to see the most 9-8 season you could ever imagine

huge day for those of us who've never used chatgpt and also have superiority complexes

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will Me, nowadays: This summer I'm going to try all of the ice cream flavours.

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doin pretty good

Begrudgingly, I must shout out 1940s Germany for realizing concentration camp merch would have been a bridge too far.

Seeing Bradley Beal makes my blood boil

I’m Johnny Knoxville and this is trusting a woman with my heart

[Inside the Mesoamerican Ballgame League] Ernie: "An absolutely shocking upset today as the top-seeded Tenochtitlan Eagles lost to the Tlacopan Jaguars in an action-packed playoff match." Shaq: "Disappointing. Where they goin, Chuck?" Chuck: "Sacrificed to Huitzilopochtli"

hey sorry if i was weird last night i don't know whats wrong with me and i never will

Bc he can’t love her like I can

[guy who’s been overly bullish on the Clippers for 4 years in a row voice] The Clippers are lowkey gonna be pretty good this year

it we keep talking about Epstein for like two more weeks I think we can get them to wheel the aliens out of Area 51