i’m sorry i roasted you i was trying to flirt

I’ve never been this confused on whether I wanted to cry or laugh before.

When I was 16 a boy wrote me a song for my birthday and I listen to it every year so I can remind myself how much my standards have fallen.

For the first time in our nation’s history, an all-female crew walked in space today. It’s more than historic—it’s a reminder that for women, even the sky doesn’t have to be the limit. cnn.com/2019/10/18/wor…

i’m going to make myself a chart like parents do for kids except i get gold stars for things like “not pressing snooze 5 times” “didn’t get mcdonald’s on the way home from work” “drank 64oz of water” then i add up all my stickers for the week and that’s how many whiteclaws i get

I just walked outside and thought it smelled like a bonfire.. then I realized I live in California and the whole state is on fire.. I am the bonfire, so that’s cool too.

This sounds like it was written by an elf on the shelf with little man syndrome. That’s adorable.

I’m in fucking tears LMFAOO she got me when she started testing other shit 🤣🤣🤣

It only took 18 hours to make.... 😂

Second half of 2020 here we come

*sigh*

Us: Nevada please count faster Nevada:

The United States Army National Guard partnered with Philadelphia first responders and five city hospitals to simulate an attack on home soil. Full story: trib.al/nvKdHfk

DAY 7 of 11 ✨ A $1,000 Vivid Seats gift card is on the line yet again 👀 To enter: 👉 Follow Vivid Seats 👉 Retweet this post 👉 Comment what event you would go to  T&C's: bit.ly/3NL06Jd

Making me the winner would be a great finish 😎