I must have one. #buttstuff

I love you all! xo

Anybody else agree that Starbucks coffee tastes an awful lot like soy sauce? Goes well with a bowl of rice. #Kikkoman #mediumroast

I know many are still concerned about the situation in Syria, but no seems to care about the situation in my toilet. #itsbad #notgood

Pork snorkel. That is all. #porksnorkel

For your Hell. #BruleS3

For the love of Gord And Jangus #BringBackKVS

Little Spencer Spenny Rice sings a song about his childhood! Kenny Hotz #KennyVsSpenny #GrandpaGrandpa

Trying to take a picture of poop on the ground. I poop on the ground. I look over and see my poop. I say "Clever girl." #JurrasicParkRemake

Silicon Valley is my new favorite show. Martin Starr Kumail Nanjiani t.j. miller Mike Judge Thank you so much.

I heard cars are robot horses. And I was the one who told me.

Just paid $200 for a square watermelon. 2nd most I've ever paid for sex. #summerlovin

It's also the 2nd best watermelon I've ever eaten.

Last packet of iced tea in the cupboard. Make it count.

Sucking me, beautiful. #RIPHarrisWittels

Everybody is losing their shit over this blue and black dress, but nobody has anything to say about my black and blue dick. #TheDress

The Last Man on Earth. Tonight. Fox. 9:00. Please help me out by retweeting this right now. So proud of this show, help me spread the word!

I'm starting up a new chili restaurant with Billy Joel and it's going to be called Billy Joel's Chili Bowls. All you can eat chili, 24/7.