I am... ⚪️ Groot ⚪️ Groot 🔘 Groot

My five stages of waking up: 1)Denial 2)Denial 3)Denial 4)Denial 5)Extreme hostility

In our arrogance at having overcome the odds, like Tantalus we fed our children to the gods.

I'd hit that. - me totally eye banging your bong

[Finally alone in the oval office after the men take daddy away, young Mike Pence sits at his new desk. A mischievous grin suddenly appears on his face..] MP: Shirt! Hehe. Fork! Karen Pence, bursting in: MICHAEL!! Watch your language! Go and get the sin soap.

TRUMP: go on hannity and defend me GIULIANI: u got it sir. i'll give them the ol' rudy razzamatazz TRUMP: no dont- GIULIANI: [whispering in his face] the ol' rudy razzamatazz

Open arms running for each other in slow motion, only I juke at the last second and kneel for a dog.

In a past life I dressed like a boy and hid out on the Queen Annes Revenge.... The scurvy was legendary

I like my men broke and from other countries. Cuz it’s all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.

Them: You seem angry. Me: Thank you.

I'm not saying Trump is the anti-Christ, I'm saying Christ is the Anti-Trump.

$100 says Trump's resignation letter has a typo.

By age 35 you should have a huge box of cables but you can't throw them out because you're pretty sure you still need a couple of them but you're not sure which ones

Will they or won't they? 🙊🙊🙊

That was the river, this is the sea.