hello sharks i'm here to transport cocaine

my dick is marxist

summa cum laude baby!

accidentally liked my crush's post from 2012. can i delete my existence?

why does this always seem to happen

dudes will play rainbow six but havent stopped and admired a rainbow since they were six. Siege

my reflection probably got a better life than me

girls: females are so strong! Look at us, so brave and beautiful!

a guy: girls aren't funny lol

girls: BARK HAHAHAH YOUR AN INCEL YOU FUCKING SUCK OOO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ARE YOU GONNA CRY?? YOU INCEL??? GUYS LOOK AT HIM HE'S PISSING HIS PANTS AND TREMBLING HAHAHAHAHA OKAY

an audible gasp sucks the noise from the room

no one dares to look at the condemned man

being like this is the only thing i got

the shit fairy left a special gift under my pillow

there will be cum. dumpsters packed to bursting with cum

[alternate universe where everything is muck, grime, slop, etc]

tv host: breaking ooze. Oozama Bin Laden just did Slime-Eleven in Goo York City. This is a national Trashgedy...

slime themed peter gabriel playing from the radio: I wanna beeee.. 🎺🎺 your sludgehammer

this is truly an interesting moment

me: i love to inhale ancient spores. i love getting my head bounced off cement.
Guy who just followed me: I seriously doubt you enjoy that

[looking in the mirror] meesa not jar jar binks. meesa a fraud. meesa need to hurt myself

i'm kinda turned on by the idea of someone being turned on thinking about me, i can't help it i'm horribly narcissistic

mom: can you help with the dishes? you aren’t doing anything

7 y/o me: (head big as hell on some genius shit, in my mind is a blur of mathematical equations, rotating molecules, brief glimpses of the True Face of God) You’re right. I suppose I am doing nothing. Nothing at all.

cant we all just get along?
*shits in oxygen airspace stifles butt waste sniff trace*