Honestly feel like I'm above everyone now that I've got an electric toothbrush. Infact, if you don't have an electric toothbrush, don't talk to me

The sun shines through my bathroom window in the evenings so sometimes I just go and sit on the toilet. Lid down. Bit weird really. But lovely and warm

What a day lined up. Fathers got his 2nd covid jab later, looking forward to watching him smash 15 pints of thatchers after and then blame his hangover tomorrow on the covid jab #DoctorsOrders #FACupFinal 🔵⚽

Got drunk a few weeks back and agreed to take in a lodger. Sobered up and remembered I really don't want a lodger. Anyway, they're moving in today #class

10 days off work then. NHS track and trace ❤️ FINALLY my time in the sun has come 🙌 ☀️

I've woken up with that gut wrenching feeling that I'm gonna end up in toko tonight

A Tribute To Sean Lock youtu.be/qRPngk5QyK4 via YouTube

Try and watch this without smiling. Impossible.

I LOVE ROBSON KANU 🎾 #STRAIGHTSETS

EDIT: I LOVE EMMA RADACANU ❤️❤️

Got a Chinese from Wing Fong last night. It was only when it turned up that I realised I'd ordered the wong fing 👎🏼 #DuckDuckGoose #FingWong

Rather ironic that while I consider myself a predominantly social drinker, often when I go out I end up unable to form coherent speech

You could. In fact, if I was going to make it up, I would literally make it so that they were level on points going into the final race.

Used to like Boris, not PM material but funny (to laugh at) nonetheless. But for him to constantly lie through his teeth and expect us to swallow it up and believe every word, does he honestly think we're that thick? I mean, in fairness, I am pretty thick, but most people aren't

What. A. Man. 😂❤️

"Hi Peter, can you just give us a nice touching tribute on what Laurie Cunningham meant to you please" "Sure, no worries..."

Someone at sky sports trying to hit a word count?

I can’t help but feel things are starting to get slightly over exaggerated. Let’s f***ing hope so anyway. #BeastFromTheEast #-99999c

Occasionally it’s a good idea to get really drunk on a Sunday to remind yourself why it’s not a good idea to get really drunk on a Sunday