Strawberries would be a top tier fruit if they didn’t come with a million seeds trying to kill you with each bite

Me seeing the Derek Carr news

Need my girl pissing all over me

Forgot what feeling feels like

behold, a Zyn garden

Tryna watch political news with your grandparents really is a sport

I’m bout to run up a $100 bar tab at Taco Bell god put me here for a reason

me asking everyone how they like their burger before I cook them all exactly the same

Damn, couldn’t enjoy my zyns cause of the flavor ban in California, and now that I’m back in Colorado I don’t even crave them anymore. God damn maybe banning shit really does work sometimes

I promise you these people have never held a real interview in their lives

i’d rather go to heII than a jelly roll concert

Knock on wood but I have been having very minimal issues with the first run of iOS 26

1 million americans are homeless

White women are the black men of basketball

Not sure when I will ever turn off this new clipse album, just beautiful start to finish

Hey siri, how do you sell crack cocaine

and to the guy who dmed me saying i should k*ll myself, the joke is on you because i already had to go to the hospital for that YEARS ago. im always one step ahead.

Ain’t got shit to do with me

You ever just be soaking in a view and realize damn this would be a beautiful moment to just end it all

Aka ummmmmm someone stole you data mmmmkay and we dont know what to do mmmmkay