Left my corona sitting at a party. Random girl comes up and asks if I want a beer. Obviously, yes. Steals a corona from my case.... casually accept. K

Just performed a full fledged stop at a rail road crossing, right after the bus in front of me did. Gonna be a good day.

There was a reason I got forgot the password to my old Twitter account and here it is. Thanks L💕NDS , for bringing back these purposefully buried memories. 😅

Diligently picking out underwear at TJ Maxx when my MALE ethics professor comes up to start a casual conversation. I didn’t get the underwear.

I’d like to phone a friend. My mom.

[inventing the toaster] engineer: Ok it burns the bread if you put it at 4 chief engineer: perfect. Make it go up to 8

I ALWAYS do this!

I received the nicest compliment from my mom in the hallway at work. “Hmmm... you look really white...like very pale white.” I know she truly meant that and it made me feel -25% better about myself. ❤️

Anybody ever force their moms to try to do cute jumps on the beach in slow-mo? Shelbie❃ and I did.

Anyone need a kickstarter for a diet? I can take care of you. Just meet me anywhere, I’ll cough in your face, you’ll in turn get strep throat and be down 5 or 6 lbs in about 4 days. I CAN VOUCH FOR THIS PROGRAM.

Via Jules

Had a co-worker talk about how my “sister” wears high heels to work everyday. (Insider tip: Sydney doesn’t have a sister.) I didn’t reply bc: ?confused? She came at me again & asked what our age difference was? I caught her drift... She was talking about my 47yo Mom. 🧐

I’m done acting like it’s okay when people call me Cindy because it is officially not ok with me. Not consenting. Cindy isn’t here.

Anybody else think Jordy is super funny? Or is it just Kurt? 🥳 jordan Kurt

Had hiccups. Told somebody to scare me. Bartender over heads convo. Tells me my card is declined. Hiccups gone.