I was about to wait in the lobby at a resort to fight an elderly woman (probs late 50s) until my fiancé said “absolutely not” I was ready. But I got in the elevator

Pro tip: ask the “surveyors” about Their personal area codes or their permanent residence and they’ll hang up on you real quick.

I’m concerned because my fiancé says he doesn’t know who James marsden is… excuse me. Your competition.

Why are y’all still supporting R. Kelly?… sincerely curious where your mind is because it’s not in a humane place.

Fiance: asks to rewatch SNL because he was on the phone the first time we watched it. Me: puts it on Fiance: goes upstairs for 10 mins.

Me: *trying to make our house presentable for showings* Also me: *nah screw that, if they’re looking to rent and throw their money into a pit they need to know what they’re in for.* What they’re in for: leaks and unorganized chaos

Also who views a home at 4:30?!?

I know this isn’t how science and nature work but like… if these flies could get these sneaky mosquitoes rn that would be super cool. 🙃 #texas #abugslife

Unexpected questions you’re asked when you hire movers to move you in? “Ma’am, where would you like your giraffe…?” 🙃🤣

Okay I think the show “so freakin cheap” is going to give me premature wrinkles… my face is consistently in the expression of “WTF?!?”

Real quick… you me and my ex also has my face in a permanent “wtf” position… like BOUNDARIES…

I watched a FB reel of a girl doing 2000’s makeup yesterday and I’m still thinking about the fact that she was so committed to the but that she shaved her natural and perfectly shaped brows for a 45 second video… and I can’t stop thinking about that. But yeah what’s up?

The drama is my fiancé wanting to watch MIB 3 and me crying every time I watch it.

MIB 3 just hits different… got me in my feelings on a Monday night. Just rude.

I act like I’m okay but I really want another series of unfortunate events movie that’s the same caliber as the first.

Mmmkay who thought the show “claim to fame” was a good idea… like please don’t.

Can someone explain to me how I can get jalapeño in my eye and it’s terrible for like an hour and then throw pollen in my face and I’m sneezing and scratching my eyes.

How on earth am I 5 years late to the death of my favorite author?!? 😭☹️

I mean sure… you can come ransack the house… but while you’re at it, could you unpack some boxes? 😅🙃

Every time a chef/ restaurateur tells the cameras “tell Gordon Ramsay he should look at deez n*ts” I want Gordon to personally examine them