Breaking news: Nobody’s impressed that you walk your dog without a leash.

More like Toys “Were” Us am I right

If they ever make a Rambo number 5, it should be a romantic film in which Stallone’s character searches for a little bit of Monica in his life, a little bit of Erica by his side.

Just got voted off the dinner table for the sixth year in a row.

The temperature outside is colder than the other side of my bed is every morning haha.

The Oscars are so white, they couldn’t even get a black rapper.

Is Bates Motel a biopic about David Carradine

Can I still work from home if I move to Canada?

Warriors Indians Falcons La La Land

Doctor violently dragged from overbooked #United flight

Are Skip Bayless and Rick Bayless related or are they both just single?

If you thought Logan was sad, most Elite Yelpers nominate themselves to become Elite Yelpers.

Times were easier when I was only hooked on phonics.

An inside-the-park home run in baseball should be called a Schrö-dinger.

We all should just leave our flags at half-mast from now on.

People claim to want world peace but every time we pit two people against each other on pay-per-view, we raise hundreds of millions.

Looks like all of the barbershops in Westeros just lost their only customer. #gameofthrones

Is Avicii’s final resting place going to be in a raveyard?

Not sure what movie I’m watching but the plot seems to revolve around Demi Moore getting ghosted by Patrick Swayze.

Sean Connery probably pronounced Sade’s name correctly the first time he read it.