If I order a pulled pork sandwich I want that shit already pulled. Why would you put a big lump of meat on this sandwich??

The meth addict to bible thumper pipeline needs to be studied

Great value bacon egg and cheese croissants are better than Jimmy Deans

I lost the ball to my belly ring and I have exactly ZERO other belly rings

I actually think a hot tub could cure me rn

Very much woe is me today and I don’t give a fuck

My mom said all her kids are in their thirties. Uh NO. THEY are in their thirties. I’m JUST 30 😂

You whores better wish my sister a happy birthday and send her money since almost none of you sent ME any 😠 Bukkake ( Teriyaki’s Version)

My niece bringing all her friends up to me after her play going “guys she’s here!” I’m famous??

Accidentally scared Kat so bad this morning she goes “I almost shot you!” She doesn’t even have a gun??

I’ve had my braces on for less than two months and I already can’t wait to have a Tootsie roll

Oh nothing just up till midnight playing Mario party with Kat

The reason I’m heavy is because once you put pasta in front of me, I have no self control. Like it’s bad

3 clients down 2 to go 😭

Yay I can’t wait to be at work all day 🙄

Creepy.org The original was Columbus arriving to America listening to Creed

Lost yet another spacer and I put that shit back in myself idc im not driving another 30+ minutes to get it back in LOL

Such a boring storm

McDonald’s could tell me their breakfast sausage is made of human meat and I would not care. That shit is so good