star stuff

last night i told a customer he looked like “if pete davidson drank water” and then asked him if he gets that a lot and he was like “obviously no one has ever said that to me in my life.”

does anyone know if we have to be tomorrow

I just learned that 1 horse has about 15 horsepower and I'm so mad I can't think straight

Shortly .

they should invent a pandemic that ends

If I choose to dismiss you from my life over something "simple" understand that it wasn't the situation; that was just your last strike. Sometimes it's not what you do, it's how tired I am of you.

Bitches be like yeah I’m spiritual then describe psychosis

applejottom beans

It's June. I have a uterus. I'm pissed.

i have an idea. help her

#manicure

There should be adult CPS like a place you can call to have your best friends boyfriend taken away

josh hutcherson i see the man that you are

I wish we could mute people's fugly faces

Y'all don't appreciate genius in it's time and that's fine. I'm gonna be like Van Gogh y'all will appreciate my ideas one day but I'll never reap the fruits of my labor.