The onion saw it coming

Discovering a new artist, loving one of their songs but then not liking anything else on the album is a heartbreaking experience 🥲🎻

everybody loves nerds gummy clusters because it’s the closest we’ve come as a society to these

Terrified to visit my girlfriend’s small town for the holidays because I’m a workaholic from a big city and everyone keeps trying to teach me the true meaning of Christmas.

some billionaire should adopt this is a pet project to piss off one of the other billionaires and we’ll get this done in 5 years

This is why Suzanne Collins was inspired to write the hunger games

Really enjoying this Kate Middleton stuff because this is the kind of investigation work I do in private whenever I think any couple I even vaguely know might have broken up

i forgot jesus died today FUCK i knew the vibes were off

why can’t artists make it so tickets to their concerts can’t be resold, this has been the absolute worst year for ticket buying, almost every show I wanna see gets sold out .0001 seconds after the sales start 😫😫👎🏽👎🏽👎🏽 go fckyourself Ticketmaster

i wish you could delay send texts, for when your messages are more appropriate at 1pm instead of 8am

a broad city quote going viral amongst genz in 2024… who’s millennial cringe now

"How's it going?" Me:

Surely if I just internet a little harder, the election results will show up

there’s a 2016 level of confidence in the air and I don’t like it

me next time Florida has a Hurricane:

When Cuomo calls it a “bacon cheese and egg”

Everyday.