jamie This is somebody’s villain origin story

Shoot me.

Okay Tweeps, Is there a difference between come for a visit and come over?

Wait for me. I have to put on my fish flops.

Well, this is exhausting... (Hope. Since you asked.)

Anyone who has spent time on a residential jobsite will appreciate this pipe layout for a radiant heating system, as *artwork*.

I am a female. I wrote about a male detective as the lead character. Is this sex appropriation? #WritingCommunity

I know it's only tiny business, but I passed ☺️

Rev. Jonathon M. Poe, BA, MA, Ph.D Mocking birds. It’s in their name.

One of our relatives is obsessed with my daughter’s weight (“you’re too skinny”, “you eat nothing”, etc). At Christmas dinner my husband firmly told her she’d have to leave if she made another comment and I would’ve married him again right there if I could

It costs absolutely nothing to shut the fuck up and mind your own business.

'Leaves' it to a science guy to make the punny jokes... At least you're branching out.

[Googles how to tuna piano]

Can't. I have very important things to do. Toodaloo.

I’d like to second that… ! You’re a gooder.

J.Z. York 🇺🇦 Well that went swimmingly 😁😬💀 #BADjokeFriday #dadjokes #SorryNotSorry

My 4yo woke up this morning crying that she didn't want to go to daycare. 30 minutes later, she skipped out the door, smiling and ready to see her friends. You might be wondering how this happened. As a parenting expert, let me explain. 🧵

Date night with 12

If you’re with someone who tries to extinguish the light you bring into this world by making you become something they’re more comfortable with, you need to leave. They will not get better. Your life will become very miserable very quickly. Walk away. /end.