Just because my account is new doesn't mean my spirit and soul has disappeared into the ocean of mysticality. Well, maybe.

You think you're a quirky guy and then Hannibal is cancelled and you're quirkless with a side of mashed onion salad.

Sat on my roof in the pouring rain wondering how long it'd take me freeze to death. It's June. I've got a long way to go.

I'm always morbid in the early hours. Follow for more wit and borderline passive-aggressive offensive material which will ensue in the morn.

Morning folks. Remember to water your daisies. Unless it's raining because then they might become saturated and die.

I can still be a wack ass stud and run home every Tuesday to watch Pretty Little Liars.

Today it is too cold for proper functionation.

"Pansexual is where you don't admit you're bisexual." Actual real quote from when I was asked about my sexuality.

Shreddies make me feel some type of way.

Annnnnnnd I just dropped my phone in said Shreddies.

Is there a simple way to make friends on here or do I have to smoulder?

Goodnight peppermints.

I'm a burrito of fuzzy purple blankets.

English literature: rape, insane asylums, more rape and a dash of stereotypes.

Ah, the sweet smell of your mum thinking you'll fail your life by doing English Lit at Uni. So delicious.

I'd rather work in a shitty cafe for the rest of my life with an English Lit degree than work in an office job with a degree I hated doing.

Got all my hair chopped off. Punk rock at its finest.

I promise it's not a weave.