Living the dream, except the dream is a nightmare sprinkled with the occasional sleep paralysis 🙃

In Anbetracht der Situation ein kurzer Service Tweet an alle Pärchen da draußen: Niemand will an Weihnachten Geburtstag haben. Hamstert Kondome! #COVIDー19

Watching Prison Break season 2. Can someone please teach Lincoln Burrows how to button a shirt?

Netflix, I swear to God if you ask me one more time if I'm still watching I'll lose my shit. Judgemental bitch.

Running out of both toilet paper and soap at the same time just gave me serious war-time flashbacks to the beginning of the pandemic when both items were impossible to get a hold of 😷

I've reached the "Obsessed With True Crime Documentaries" part of my adulthood. Fun!

Es gibt akzeptable Begriffe für Wasser mit Kohlensäure. Die folgenden gehören nicht dazu. (Unvollständige Liste) - Laut - Wasser mit Sprudel - Mit Blubb #petpeeve

U-Bahn Anzeige, Wettervorhersage für Bayern: Teils freundlich, teils trüb. Oder auch: Beschreiben Sie Tamara in 4 Worten. 🙃

My mother talks to, and about her roomba as if he (it's a he!) were some degenerate kid she picked up from the streets. #weirdo

Someone on my favourite TV show just said "don't put too much cheese on it" and I'm about to turn off cause I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.

Earlier today, my mother, who I can only describe as "not particularly interested in politics" asked me if I believed Biden would survive his inauguration, and that pretty much sums up how messed up that Land of the Free is.

Will someone photoshop inauguration Bernie onto the casting couch already? I'm incapable of doing it myself, but I NEED TO SEE THAT!!!!

Ok wtf does "mercury is in retrograde" even mean and how fckn often does it happen? I feel like I'm reading that shit every other week?!

Isn't it wild how you meet someone when you're traveling and though you'll probably never see them again you just keep following their social media? Like, "oh, this woman I got shitfaced with at an Irish bar in Thailand 6 years ago had her 2nd child! Good for her!"

I feel like American filmmakers wildly overestimate how often Germans use the word Liebchen...

Therapist: And what do we do when we feel bad about ourselves? Me: Post a cute picture. Therapist: No.

What's the point in having a non-relationship if I can't have an insecurity-fuelled mental breakdown over nothing once a week??

#fragjana #DartsWM Ich find "9Darter klingt etwas blöd - wie sagt man das denn auf englisch? #binzufaulzumgooglen

Thug life. x.com/pakalupapito/s…