A typically British nightmare.

Death in Paradise star's "must watch" crime drama that "hits all the right notes" confirms UK debut digitalspy.com/tv/a70984528/s…

Just got fired from the skin cream factory. They just gave me my E45

Teacher: “Give me a sentence which includes the words, Defense, Defeat, & Detail.” Boy: “When a horse jumps over defense, defeat go first and then detail.”

Breaking news. The company that makes Jenga has collapsed

The ‘cat is out of the bag’! DELIGHTED to say we have started back to work on series 14 of Father Brown 😊 2 weeks in and the first couple of episodes are already beginning to take shape. Can’t wait to share some bits ‘n’ bobs with you over the coming weeks. Lots of love xx

Chemistree..

I reported to the Police about my missing gloves, they're saying it's nothing suspicious but I'm sure someone's had a hand in it.

Today’s to do list: 1. Bite off more than I can chew 2. Build Rome in one day 3. Poke a bear with a stick 4. Skate on thin ice. 😁😌

I saw my neighbour putting clothes on some rabbits this morning. When I asked her why, she said she was training to be a hare dresser… 🤔😳😂🤣

A mate of mine has started a shadow puppet theatre. Reckons he can make millions. Although that's just projected figures.

I got to the finals of the Cher impersonation contest. I wore a long brown curly wig with flat tweed cap and and carrying a cup of tea. I represented York Cher.

You alone can make your Happiness.💛

Death in Paradise fans will be addicted to Joséphine Jobert's darker, tenser crime series - out now digitalspy.com/tv/a71094091/s…

Feeling rather sad today as my clothes horse has finally broken beyond repair after I've had it 25 years.... It's the end of an Airer. 🥼👖🧦🐎😔🐴👚🩳👕

Was in Asda in Leeds, asked where I could find towels and was given directions to a bloody bird sanctuary. 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😅

I'm now at the point where | just reset passwords instead of trying to remember them. 🤣😂🤣

FUMING!!!🤬🤬 Just been asked by a group of kids outside tesco if l would get them 20 Richmonds. Stupidly I did and got them a packet, handed them over and you should have seen the abuse I got off them after it!! Cheeky little ***** Told them next time you can get your own