When you keep your tv volume on an unclean number like 17, it poisons the vibe in your whole house

Writers are often told that their work is only valuable if it sells, yet our ancestors were telling stories around the fire long, long before capitalism was invented. Never forget that making art is not merely a business: it’s part of human nature.

y’all… i have achieved a dream.

watched a home video of my third birthday in 1994 where i was opening gifts and saying, "i hope it's a toy!!!!" and it kept on being clothes and my mom got so upset that she had to leave the room ☠️

welcome to the final show.

telling myself i’m too self aware for therapy as i repeat a pattern of behavior i’ve been trying to break since age 14

happy mars day

You can win the heart of a woman by spreading goat cheese and fig jam on sourdough and giving it to her.

i told my mom i’ve been getting so many compliments on my appearance lately and she started praying because she said that’s a sign that you’re about to die. she will always be my biggest hater bruh

can i please come over and look at all your stuff in your room

Having leftovers as a kid: this is the worst day of my LIFE!!! Having leftovers as an adult: the gods have shined brightly on me today. I will always remember this moment and the chilled salty taste of this glorious, lifesaving vegetable pad Thai

ever since i was a small child i knew i wanted to be indoors on the computer

job applications are dumb. "what’s your desired salary" a billion dollars next question

Remember to start each day by immediately grabbing your phone and exploding with anxiety and rage at the news

I think I'm going to get back into chocolate milk. Besides stirring up my yogurt real good I'm hardly an active participant in my own life

i do not have any disorders these are symptoms of being an angel

not the way i do it

Lunch! Let's see what mom packed. Hope it's not just a note that says I'm a punk ass buster. Ok it is that note again tomorrow is a new day.