"And lastly, who ever is putting FAKE 'eject buttons' on the patients beds, please stop... its... *sigh*... unprofessional." Me:

Your only experience in healthcare was in the lab and now you're trying to tell nurses how to do their jobs? Lol get the fuck out of my patients room.

Rude of my ancestors to survive starvation. I could have just *not existed* but now im stuck with this damn cellulite

Please somebody explain to me WHY a neurologist walked by three clearly unoccupied computers at the nurses station and then planted herself at MY CLEARLY VERY ESTABLISHED SPOT. FUCKIN. WHY.

HAI people: DO NOT EAT AT THE NURSES STATION. If you do, you will be disciplined. My unit: we have 6 nurses for 18 ICU patients. A SAFE nurse to ICU pt ratio is 1:2. What's the alternative to eating at the nurses station when staffing is this bad? I guess filter feeding?

Wow okay. Unprofessional? UNPROFESSIONAL? *Takes off earings* I'LL SHOW YOU UNPROFESSIONAL

*Jackass theme song starts playing*

If I seem bitchy, its because Im on hour 8/14 of my computer based learning requirements for work and only about 50% of it actually applies to MY job.

I am not a monitor tech. We do not use monitor techs in the ICU. Please, somebody explain to me why I had to spend 20 minutes (I'll never get back) digging through monitor tech alarm /communication policy to pass a computer based learning module as an RN in the ICU.

If you're a patient who tries to hit me in the face, I am done giving a shit about you. I am the only person *in this entire facility* who cares about my own mental health so if you intentionally try to hurt me, I am done with you. Period.

My boss: "You wanna do charge? You showed quite a bit of leadership in that code..." Me: "... NO THAT WASN'T ON PURPOSE"

Drunk cleaning is still kinda cleaning but like... way more fun *burp*

[first day as a shepherd] boss: where are you going? me: [pointing] star boss: what? why me: [shrugging] baby

Reason for time off request: Please I still need to take down my tree.

Monsignor: "you are your father's nightmare." Me: "Good."

Midnight in Dallas

I see now that I have been foolishly operating under the assumption that this village only had one idiot... How wrong i was.

PSA: If you have to go to the hospital, remember to bring your charger AND brick. No,we dont have a "unit charger," no, you cannot use mine (learned that lesson already) and no, I do not have the time to "ask around" for you. We're understaffed and have to prioritize other things