Can someone just tell generative AI that humans have 5 fingers on each hand?

“On accident” makes my ears bleed. That is all.

I have the weirdest relationship with breakfast cereal. Every three years I’ll eat it twice a day for a few weeks and then not eat it again for three years.

The Microsoft Teams call ringtone and riding a waterslide of razor blades into a pool of boiling hot lemon juice are basically the same thing.

When car Advil, computer bag Advil, and upstairs Advil are empty, thank god for downstairs Advil. #old

I was involved in a completely logical collaborative decision making process over several days that resulted in ordering our boss a Caesar salad from Target through DoorDash. I will not be taking further questions.

As a general rule I never give up on books. And I pretty much love everything Stephen King has written, even his mediocre books are entertaining to me. But… I don’t know how anyone has ever finished reading Needful Things. It’s atrocious. Just absolutely painful.

So, we’re totally being invaded by aliens, and surprisingly they seem to be terrible at it. Did not see that coming.

Every time I successfully get through self checkout at the grocery store without needing assistance I experience a sense of accomplishment I assume can only be rivaled by finishing a marathon.

There are two types of people in the world... people who comment on major news outlet Facebook page posts and... not serial killers

I’m starting to think there’s a small chance I might not win the lottery. Which is unsettling, because I was really counting on that.

Happy arbitrary number on a made up calendar! 🎊

I wonder what my last AOL Instant Message was

I just discovered that iPhone dictation recognizes supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Which is good to know. You’re welcome.

Nonpartisan observation… how did we get to the point that congress is where politicians go to retire?

There is nothing Dollar General can do to convince me it’s a safe place to drop FedEx packages.

Just made a full cup of coffee… into an existing full cup of coffee. Yup, finding new and creative ways to lose my mind.

I just increased the text size on my phone for the fist time. Time to buy some white New Balance shoes, read nothing but World War 2 history, and pick out a burial plot. Now… GET OFF MY LAWN! #imold

What the what? #comet #rocket #whatthewhat

My Top Gun review: I was extremely worried at the first bar scene when we meet all the pilots. With the exception of Miles Teller, that is the absolute worst group of actors they could have possibly assembled. Just atrocious. Then it was awesome.