I’m the only guy at the Adrianne Lenker show that knows the nuggets traded up to draft DaRon Holmes

I will never put the pizza directly on the rack

Guy honking at me for not going on a green light probably thought I was on my phone but really I was looking at a dog

Guy with the dumbest hat I’ve ever seen comes up to me and goes ‘honey I don’t know you and don’t want to be rude, but that outfit needs a hat’

We’re so back

In Barcelona for Catalunya Independence Day watching an antifascist protest go by while tourists ask riot cops for directions

Jimmy eat wood

Dipping my cigarette in the Seine like Rihanna or whatever

Deep house DJs can’t be serious

If I was a cow I could easily navigate a cattle guard

Thought I saw a raising canes food truck and audibly went woah-oh-oh what do we have here but it was just an ad on the side of a bus

Has science gone too far

My nuggets fucking suck. Calvin booth will pay for his crimes

Just made a sandwich for my first day at the new job tomorrow so good looking I opened the fridge to take a peek again before bed

True boyfriend zen is following around your girlfriend in the grocery store with your brain turned completely off

There is a national epidemic of people presenting slides and not using full screen presentation

The marketing campaign for the liangelo ball song is approaching Taylor swift levels of egregiousness

I’m the only guy in the broomfield Interlocken tech center listening to the new bad bunny album