I can't believe Zoom gives away their best feature, limiting meetings to 40 minutes, for free.

The wonderful moment when you discover that a broken streetlight you reported has been fixed. Thank you Salford City Council for the highlight (sorry...) of my evening!

Want to know why 2020 has been so bad? I think you can trace it back to when this woman brought an ancient curse down upon our land.

They asked him, ‘What then? Are you Elijah?’ He said, ‘I am not.’ 'Are you the prophet?’ He answered, ‘No.’ Then they said to him, ‘Who are you? Let us have an answer for those who sent us. What do you say about yourself?’ He answered, 'Guys, that's not how 20 questions works.'

Don’t believe the advice - I once pretended I was dead to avoid being attacked by a bear but then I was done for insurance fraud

So close to getting through to the next round of Britain’s Got Toilets

Thank you Dr. Sanjee Perera for hosting today's #CMEACconference21, for your honesty, passion and humility across the day. I hope that you know that you've done a cracking job. And thank you to the teams that have planned and delivered the event. And thank you to all the speakers!

I think I know what's in the middle of @LidlGB this week...

I've seen this at many places, not just #nymw21, but I struggle with how the 'two lines only' model of hymn lyric display removes context. Style over substance? Or maybe I'm just evolving into a grumpy old man!

I gave blood!! After three failed attempts (during which your staff have been fab, NHS Blood Donation 🩸🩹), today my arm didn't hide veins or give up half-way. Thank you Leeds Headrow team, especially T.

Thank you NHS Blood Donation 🩸🩹 for all the team at Leeds Headrow, from signing in to squash refreshment ♥️

Big love to the HGV drivers straddling lanes 2&3 of the M62 this morning to help protect National Highways Officers from cars driving in a closed lane (and to those officers helping protect stranded car).

Thank you Humberside Police for your team of officers helping manage traffic out of St Andrew's Quay last night - not a glamorous job but made things an awful lot calmer!

Thank you Channel 4 for sorting out missing episodes of #BelowDeck on the All 4 app. Any chance they can be on the website too?

Thank you @CCT_Conferences for a great 48 hours at The Hayes last week - super-helpful staff and a beautiful site - and then for your housekeeping team and Lauren and Remi at Reception who ensured that my mountain of lost property was returned to me. Top quality service!

🏆🍕The 2023 Papa Johns UK Men's Counties 3/4 North Shield Champions - Bury RUFC! 👏Congratulations to everyone at Bury RUFC! #PapaJohnsCommunityCup

Lovely NORTHERN 🚆, I've tried following these 'Missing a trip?' instructions several times, but without success. I'm double-booked (my error, not a system one) on a train at 06:43 tomorrow, so getting a little anxious. Any advice on a next step?

If anyone could unpack the lyric 'praise is the water my enemies drown in' for me, I'd appreciate it. It feels like weaponising something that should be a response to God. #dontmeantobethatguy #nymw23 #nymw

Storm Jocelyn's a howlin' Remain voters still a scowlin' #JuliaDonaldsonWorldCup kicks off this afternoon Rd of 16 🔜 Tell a friend.