Pushing 30 and still spilling beer on other people’s couches.

Ever spend over $30 on fruit, cheese and gin on plane ride home? Me neither.

My shame is strewn about the tray table in a plastic bottle/container graveyard.

steven and eric really did snap on this artwork like wtf

Quarantine snacks for dinner.

Some mornings you brew coffee without a cup, and realize you’re getting older.... and potentially dumber.

What do you do when a crack head runs a car into a power pole on your street and leaves you without power for an estimated 12 hours? You drink the rest of the beers in the fridge and apologize for being late to your first meeting tomorrow morning.

Update: I’m out of Mezcal.

Today’s beer.

Woke up hungry.

It’s 9:30am. I can still taste the last seltzer I drank last night.

Why are bags to potato chips 30% air? I don’t buy the “sharing size” because I feel like getting fucked.

It’s either the Sunday Scaries or the Sunday Sadz. Can’t tell.

I wonder what Zak Bagans 🧛🏻‍♂️ is doing today.

I just wanna thank God and my family for giving me the strength to persevere.

You ever just eat croutons for fun?

Contrary to popular belief, chopstick skills do not improve with alcohol.

Ever buy ice cream that’s more ice than cream, and it just pisses you off?

The only thing I want out of the Grammys tonight, is for Ed Sheeran to win nothing.

I’ve had the same Postmates delivery driver two nights in a row. Does this make me a garbage person?