Waiting for my flight to Orlando to take off and the crowd starts clapping BEFORE we take off, reminding me why I never fly to Florida.

I was physically closer to the stranger on the subway than I was to the stranger I made out with at the bar last night and that’s how I know NYC is healing.

I’m convinced street pigeons are just fallen angels who have been punished to earth to terrorize me and mock my poor life choices.

I was viscerally upset at a group of girls that got on the train before letting everyone off first and now I can tell people I’m a New Yorker

If the state of Wisconsin was a person

That 3rd quarter snooze just hits different. 😴

Everyone’s like All Too Well - The Short Film will wreck you. I watched it, felt nothing, and realized I’ve been dating Jake Gyllenhaal for the last thirteen years.

As much as I love not needing a car in NYC, being able to sit for thirty uninterrupted minutes crying to Adele is a real mood and just doesn’t hit the same on the 4-5 train

It’s almost Thanksgiving which means it’s only a matter of time before I’m blind-sided by “Christmas Shoes” and an ugly cry in Duane Reade.

I’m not a drama queen, I’m drama curious 👑 Lindsey St. John Higgins

I know how to read an LOL guy vs the Haha guy but I truly don’t know what to do with a Lmaooooo

“Trampolines are the reason I have back issues… and trust issues” Stephanie Zillmer

Montepulciano is my favorite word to overhear people mispronounce. And then judge them because after 33 years I can say it correctly about 70% of the time.

Me when I hear Rodgers is coming back, then remember the inevitable pain of losing during playoffs. #Packers

“What is this world, where are we? I hate it.” -Lindsey St. John Higgins “Welcome to the East Village…” #overheardinuber

Ran into a stranger on the street today and exchanged “Ope, sorry!” pleasantries like the last three years in NYC NEVER HAPPENED. #minnesotanice

It’s almost football season which means it’s time to start shifting focus from spicy men to spicy wings.

Apologies in advance to my family who won’t be receiving Christmas gifts this year. Shania Twain and Taylor Swift both just dropped tour dates and I need tickets.

“Aight, hit me up.” The ultimate ick.

“These shoes are actually super comfortable. Good support, nice thick sole.” My dad, talking about his camouflage Crocs.