#AdrestiaAesthetic (by FC.)

Tries to play catch with my sister but remembers she's blind when it hits her in the face

"Problem?" x.com/ablueblur/stat…

"Is it true that the Greek gods have a habit of fucking things up? And is it true that Zeus can't keep his genitalia in his pants?"

God is kinda sexy. I mean... What?

"I have an overwhelming desire to be punched in the face."

Casually lights firecrackers and throws them onto the TL

"Can you snort coffee grounds?" Pulls out a straw and a tin of coffee grounds. "Let's find out."

Why was Oedipus against profanity? Because he kisses his mother with that mouth

"I need sex, a nap, or alcohol."

How to ruin a date: Mention how many people you've killed

"Excuse me while I go stick my head in a fireplace."

"I can see why I usually prefer women."

//*There* Son of a bitch. If I make a grammar mistake you usually need to point it out to me because I have trouble noticing them x.com/StenchOfCorpse…

I planned a family barbeque the other day, or "arson and murder" as the police called it.

"Yes." x.com/HerUnkemptHalo…

"I'm not dead. But I want to be. Please."

Reasons I don't get invited to things: Apparently playing Angry Birds at a funeral is deemed 'rude' and 'frowned upon'

"I once tried to play catch with my sister and then I remembered that she was blind when the ball hit her in the face.." #Whoops

"I need a nap. Or alcohol. Either will do."