Thinking about the time I got drunk and beat this girl at Mario Kart in a bar. Afterwards she yelled at me but all I could think to myself is that I still got it.

Hi. I’m Clark Kent. And you’re watching the Disney Channel 🪄

*mom is looking for her phone* Me: do you want me to call you mom? Mom: yes. Please call me mom.

Grandpa: “Can you loan me $20?” Me: “What about interest?” Grandpa: “I am extremely interested”

May thy New Years chip and shatter

Got hit on (I think) at a grocery store and tried to flirt back by saying she had eyes. I forgot to add an adjective. Fellas - 2025 is not starting out strong for yah boy. 😔

Might have to pop by sometime

I’m still learning how to Dougie 😔

Met a girl named Anne that drunkingly called me cute and invited me to her limo Life is good and we are so back

Cobra Kai? More like Cobra making me cry (it’s really good)

I can’t read a room unless it’s an escape room

Grok Tuah

Honey, would you still love me if I was an email?

*Trump Voice* They DEI’d my gummy bears. Why aren’t they all the clear pineapple ones? Those are the best kinds.

Selfish to sneeze because I’m so blessed

Found this out when I posted my Mission Impossible 2 review

Welcome to Conclave Hive, Steve Kornacki.

Drafting Christopher Nolan first overall and hoping Zendaya or Tom Cruises falls to the second round.