I would just like to apologize to my classmates in Death and Dying. I will be crying every class.

Is there a reason men are chanting and screaming the song Starships outside my window? I mean at least invite us if you're going to keep me up all night.

My professor: "anyone have a hot date this weekend?" *silent stares* Professor: "Wow, pathetic"

I am impressed as hell.

Someone named Jackie called the weather office to ask when it would be done raining because she’s sick of it. When I told her it’ll still be a couple of hours, she got mad. It took every ounce of me not to respond with “Well, damn, Jackie, I can’t control the weather.”

I plan on marrying someone who will allow me to sleep at 2 in the morning.

The Packers were robbed and the Vikings drove the getaway car into a tree.

Justin Gallegos, a runner at Oregon with cerebral palsy, thought he was just finishing another cross country race. Little did he know, Nike was waiting at the finish line to offer him a pro contract (via Abdullah Khawaja / Elevation 0m)

I just started balling during my presentation. How's your day going?

Nebraska's new tourism slogan is "Honestly, it's not for everyone."

Me paying my parking ticket:

Me after starting one assignment: "I'm very happy with me" -President Trump

me bringing my last three braincells to my final

Just a reminder that grades do not equal self-worth.

There are 3 yield signs that were hit and laying flat on the ground on University. Doin good CF.

Don’t worry, we still have school today! #nodaysoff

Not to be dramatic but after that test score I think my only option is to drop out of college.

I hope the woman who parked LITERALLY in the middle of 2 spots, 1 of them being a HANDICAPPED spot, enjoyed saving those 2 extra steps to her apartment. Congrats on being a terrible human being.

Living in MN is great until I hear everyone saying hot dish... 😑