maybe you're more beautiful than me. maybe you're funnier and smarter. maybe you haven't resigned yourself to an early death at someone else's hands. maybe you odn't wnat to throw up when you smell antiseptic,

maybe you don't have the same nightmares every night, the same nightmares youve had for seven long years, always waking up with a wet face and not knowing why.

if you have hope in your heart, i commend you. if you look at me and you laugh, i commend you.

because i live in a world where i even feel breathing is too boring.

i'm a subhuman monster. i've been this way for so, so long. and it'll never change.

i can never change. i can never change. i can never change. it will always be like this

i will always be alone.

this is a fact of the universe i will accept. no one can understand this feeling. they'll try, and they'll joke, and they'll pressure themselves and lie, but no one understands.

it's been so long. so arduous. stitching myself back together over and over, the same messy seam, breaking every time i move.

it's all so painful. how do i keep doing this? how do i not give up?

i simply have no other option. i'm tired. tired and bored.

i can't even say for sure if i want to be understood. maybe i like feeling superior. maybe living this emotionless, selfless life is a sign of evolution.

maybe having no personality, no like or dislikes, no dreams, no goals, no self preservation, no tenderness, no sadness, no anger, maybe thats good.

maybe i'm fine.

maybe this is what they wanted.

whats going on.

being punished physically for going to bed at 7 this morning

my ability to rest well really shat the bed

ah. does that mean my talents are deteriorating.

or maybe i’m just in bad health.