why are you, as a man, not the last living proficient american fotoplayer performer?

BREAKING: A Baltimore Police officer, Steven Angelini, was arrested by the FBI this morning. I'm told the case involves allegedly selling "ghost" guns. More to come...

Dear Bar Applicant, It’s time to panic.

to HOT

keney do not like SUMMOR

OMG NEBRASKA he is not a crybaby he was just a theater kid

Jordan Peterson always seems like he’s trying to lay down the law with a teenage stepson who calls him “Dr. Dickweed” to his face.

When you stay in a hotel you always have to get cash so you can tip the housekeeping staff. Also always try to stay in a union hotel, you can find them here— and avoid crossing any picket lines!! fairhotel.org/get-started

do you think in a fantasy world people would say "dragon!" whenever they'd see one fly overhead in the same tone you would say "cows!" when you're driving and see them in the countryside?

Just in case anyone doesn't click on the Alt-text... You're missing out!

I am making the letter M. It stands for My favorite cat is Jean

Friends of Bear Cat Rescue hi me and @ssmileyharry also have monkey stuffed animals and they are named gromit so can you name your monkey stuffed animal “gromit”

⬇️ eepy ⬇️

I once proposed marriage to Vincent Price.

my parent is doing that thing where they yell about someone named Foo Calt.

my parent says help is out there and call LAP. I don't know who LAP is but they sound important.

They literally called it “subtext” Twitter do your thing

I got into an argument with a dude from Georgia about why he shouldn’t say his forklift permit extended to Oregon in the middle of an armed insurrection

it’s important to be prepared