bitches be crazy. bananas even

been hungover since like 6pm yesterday I can’t take it anymore

I guess my celebrity look a like is Mariah Carey in the 90s bc I’ve had THREE completely different women tell me that recently

just encountered the largest fucking spider I’ve ever seen in the wild and guess what it was right next to my ✨front door handle✨

been in a VERY heated discussion for the past 20 minutes about whether or not orange chicken and mashed potatoes go together

“hold on let me sing to you so can fall asleep” starts singing all star by smashmouth

saw the most beautiful paint job wasted on a Kia Soul

a family size bag of garden salsa sun chips hates to see me coming

having a cool WiFi name is funny until you have to call customer service one day and you sound like a fucking idiot trying to explain that it’s [REDACTED]

one of my neighbors keeps listening to somebody that I used to know by gotye…should I check on them

the microwave that’s installed in my kitchen looks like it’s on a diet and I can’t describe it any other way than that

yea can I get a double triple ultra warhead sour extra rabid catdog foaming-at-the-mouth IPA so hoppy that the bottle will jump out of a clammy death grip

this inspired me to get back into running again bc you will NOT catch me in the same room with a robot dropping to all fours like that.

so many people have this mentality of, “well it’s not happening to ME or people I know, so why should I care?”. This mindset has made everyone completely void of empathy and don’t think twice about expressing sympathy because it simply has no benefit to them.

forgot how to solve a Rubik’s cube…what a disgrace

redeemed my self worth this week (able to run a mile in 7 min 30 secs)

walked out the house this morning to a tiny brown bag on my doorstep. it was a bottle of hand lotion …and a Bible

somebodys opinion on malignant is a very good gauge of their taste level actually