things have been difficult lately

i dont want him to see me naked, i’m too fat

when i’m depressed i lose my motivation and that means i lose my motivation to starve in conclusion i hate myself

i just wanna lay on my floor and disassociate and then just disappear for a bit i guess

feeling the fat in my body every time i move makes me want to starve myself until i die

last night healthy snack turned into a full on binge who knows this song

question of my life

i have an eating disorder for years and i am still not even close to being thin

the day my thighs don’t touch i’ll probably just stand in the mirror crying all day bc i’ve been blessed with such a miracle

i dont know why im doing this to myself, tbh i don’t know myself at all, the only thing im sure about is that i became even bigger

eating disorders make you think fucked up shit so don’t mind me but i wish i could get some sort of stomach flu or infection that had me two weeks in bed throwing up and eating barely nothing i mean at least that way i would not be able to binge at all

why do people think having an eating disorder instantly makes you pro anorexia and that you want everyone to starve ? it really don't be like that

i hate it how every fucking day of mine starts with « i am not going to eat today » and ends with « i will eat everything in sight and start tomorrow again »

it sucks being a super observant person bc i notice every little thing in every action and i literally get sad over the smallest things

strangely my ed has prevented my suicide as I'm "not skinny enough for my funeral" I guess I'm grateful

I feel so fake for recovering when I've never been underweight

i am constantly thinking about my weight

i ate a normal amount of calories for someone my height and weight, and it feels like my stomach is about to explode

i want to die

my friend told me i had loose weight :))))