some of u really r ur crush’s crush.... like how is that? what is that even like? everyone i like is so out of my league that i have literally never experienced that

at the gym i said subscription instead of membership and the girl replied with 'lol this isnt a pharmacy'. bitch thats a prescription were both stupid

I SAID STAN TWITTER DO YOU KNOW THIS FUCKING SONG

Monday I start school again for a business degree

There’s a school near my apartment, with a Pokémon gym in the recess yard. Every day, the same 4 or 5 kids take it. And every day after work, I swing by and CRUSH. THEIR. POKÉMON. Everyone wants to be Ash, Brock and Misty, but I am 100% these kids’ Giovanni.

Wtf wrong with you spoiled bitches, yo mom out here literally begging you to stop, holding back tears, and you think that’s funny?? You inconsiderate ass fucks need to spend a couple weeks with some strict parents to put y’all in your place

If I saw this in person I’d just assume I’m about to die

“thanos, welcome to your tape”

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

I work at a bookstore and this was an actual conversation I had at work last night: 5 year old boy: *brings me a romance book* what's this? me: a story about two people falling in love! b: .... is there a dragon in it? me: no.. b: then why do you even have it on the shelf?

Has anyone here ever dated one of their coworkers? If so was it weird?

Keep the likes retweets and comments equal

and it’s still white and gold

WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS?!

SO I REALLY HAVE BEEN BURNING MY FINGERS FOR NO REASON HUH.

My mistress @stellataym1 was thinking of names for me but she can’t decide. So how about you help us out?